He Delights in Me

The most beautiful thing happened last night, and I didn't even realize it until I woke up this morning.

Actually, let me back up and give you some insight into how I have been feeling lately. And by lately, I mean for at least the last eight years.

So I've been feeling inadequate, falling short of being special to anyone, just kind of "there." I have mainly felt inadequate in the eyes of my husband. Mind you, he has never told me I am inadequate, but his [perhaps] inadvertent actions speak loudly. That's a whole other show, though, so I won't go into details. Let me assure you that I love my husband. He is a good man.

So I woke up this morning, and these words were in my head: "He sings over me." What? I frantically searched my brain to find where these words came from. I wanted more. Oh, please give me more! So I prayed. God, please show me where these words came from so I can go to that book or that magazine article or wherever to find more. He showed me these words written on a piece of notebook paper. Hmm. So I sat quietly. And then it hit me. This was in my dream last night!! How cool! So I tried to remember more of my dream, but to no avail.

So what next? I turned to the computer. I searched for "He sings over me," and I was led to Zephaniah 3:17:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (NIV)

Then I thought I'd check the Message translation:

". . .don't despair. Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs."

And then I found this song, "The Father's Song," by Matt Redman.

I've been looking to the wrong source, wishing for more from my husband when all along, God has been loving me the way I need to be loved, singing songs over me, calming me with His wonderful love. I realize all I have to do now is be present, be still, be accepting of this intense love that He offers me. Only He can fill this hole in my heart. Only He can take away the pain.

Does this mean I'm done feeling inadequate in my husband's eyes? I suppose not. But I am hopeful I can get to that place. Will I stop hoping that my husband will do/say things that make me feel special like he used to? I suppose not. Will I still be crushed when my husband does/says things that make me feel inadequate and hopeless to ever measure up to his standards? I suppose so.

But my heart's desire is that this verse, which has just found its place in my heart, will allay the pain in the future. I will take refuge in the presence of my Warrior who sings songs over me. When I seek His face and sit at His feet, He doesn't just allow me to be in His presence. He rejoices over me with singing!!!!! The Creator of all sings over me?

Heavenly Father, please allow this verse, this truth, to sink into my heart and reside there forever. I pray that you will allow me to see how special I am in YOUR eyes. You are so faithful, Lord, and I have fallen short. Not only have you forgiven me, but you saved me, you delight in me, you wash over me with your peace. You sing songs over me. I am humbled by your grace. Please fill my life again. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.