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Sunday, June 28, 2009

He Delights in Me

The most beautiful thing happened last night, and I didn't even realize it until I woke up this morning.

Actually, let me back up and give you some insight into how I have been feeling lately. And by lately, I mean for at least the last eight years.

So I've been feeling inadequate, falling short of being special to anyone, just kind of "there." I have mainly felt inadequate in the eyes of my husband. Mind you, he has never told me I am inadequate, but his [perhaps] inadvertent actions speak loudly. That's a whole other show, though, so I won't go into details. Let me assure you that I love my husband. He is a good man.

So I woke up this morning, and these words were in my head: "He sings over me." What? I frantically searched my brain to find where these words came from. I wanted more. Oh, please give me more! So I prayed. God, please show me where these words came from so I can go to that book or that magazine article or wherever to find more. He showed me these words written on a piece of notebook paper. Hmm. So I sat quietly. And then it hit me. This was in my dream last night!! How cool! So I tried to remember more of my dream, but to no avail.

So what next? I turned to the computer. I searched for "He sings over me," and I was led to Zephaniah 3:17:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (NIV)

Then I thought I'd check the Message translation:

". . .don't despair. Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs."

And then I found this song, "The Father's Song," by Matt Redman.

I've been looking to the wrong source, wishing for more from my husband when all along, God has been loving me the way I need to be loved, singing songs over me, calming me with His wonderful love. I realize all I have to do now is be present, be still, be accepting of this intense love that He offers me. Only He can fill this hole in my heart. Only He can take away the pain.

Does this mean I'm done feeling inadequate in my husband's eyes? I suppose not. But I am hopeful I can get to that place. Will I stop hoping that my husband will do/say things that make me feel special like he used to? I suppose not. Will I still be crushed when my husband does/says things that make me feel inadequate and hopeless to ever measure up to his standards? I suppose so.

But my heart's desire is that this verse, which has just found its place in my heart, will allay the pain in the future. I will take refuge in the presence of my Warrior who sings songs over me. When I seek His face and sit at His feet, He doesn't just allow me to be in His presence. He rejoices over me with singing!!!!! The Creator of all sings over me?

Heavenly Father, please allow this verse, this truth, to sink into my heart and reside there forever. I pray that you will allow me to see how special I am in YOUR eyes. You are so faithful, Lord, and I have fallen short. Not only have you forgiven me, but you saved me, you delight in me, you wash over me with your peace. You sing songs over me. I am humbled by your grace. Please fill my life again. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

8 comments:

Miranda said...

Dana,
I can SO relate with your post. I too try to get my needs and desires met by my husband over and over. I am realizing that I put too much blame on him and expect far too much. Yeah, there are things I think he could improve on and would help me, but I always have to come back to the realization that God is the only person who can fill me up. His opinion and what He says about me is what matters the most. I think I go through these times to remind me of my need for Him. And when I am honest with myself, I have to admit, that my husband can never be enough, he can never do enough or say enough.
I love that scripture and how it ministered to you today. VERY COOL!
Here is my take on my situation if your interested.
http://sippycupsandfingerprints.blogspot.com/2009/03/moving-out.html

Yolanda said...

What a delight and this is one of my scripture memory verses for 2009. Love how He splashes onto us!

~*Michelle*~ said...

Oh Dana......I have goosebumps reading your words.

God is by our side all.the.time.

And he loves you(and me) all.the.time.

You are a beautiful person....God created you perfect.

xox

Latte Lady said...

Oh, thank you for that! I've been looking for that verse for the last week!

Latte Lady said...

He probably won't be back to our church. The homeless that have been coming in a usually just passing by. These are walkers. They walk and walk all over the country.

BUT, we are able to show them God's love while they are with us for a couple of hours. Kinda bitter/sweet.

Jennifer said...

May his promise bring peace to your soul.

Blessings to you. Thank you for your honesty.

Tracy said...

Our God is good.

We humans are so typical. I think we all tend to look for something to make us good enough; our husbands, kids, material possessions, position, etc.

Reading your words here has blessed me today.

It's way cool how you're so important to God that He gave you the words in a dream so you could follow up on the day.

Deborah Ann said...

I'm right there with you. I struggle with inadequacy too. God is more than enough when we are at our worst. There are days I have to hang on to Him with all my strength.

You are invited to follow my blog at:

www.heavenlyhumor.blogspot.com

Laughter is the best medicine!